Must be something about the spring

I realize that I haven't been remotely close to frequently posting on this blog since I've started college, but I have noticed that I tend to write one update-like post every spring semester.

Well, guess what time of year it is...

It must be something about the spring that makes me feel nostalgic and start looking back at memories, and changes that have nestled themselves firmly between them.

This is my second semester of my Junior year. Last night, I (by much force and determination not my own) stayed up to schedule my first semester of my Senior year. That's so shocking to me it's almost unsettling. The time of the semester came around in which I ritually ask around for what day registration opens for my classification, and suddenly the answer I was receiving was "Oh, Seniors register on Wednesday."

You mean to tell me I'm not waiting until the end of the week when all of the upper classmen are done? You mean I'm one of the ones who gets to go first just because I've been here for so long? You mean I only have one fall and one spring left to finish this degree? You mean I have one year left to get any preparation necessary so I can be thrust into the real world?

You mean college is almost over?

Yes.

This life that seems like its own little world that will last forever will indeed not last much longer. It's so much more surreal than it sounds. When I say I can't believe it, I really mean it. I think it's because being a Junior-almost-Senior isn't what I had decided it would be like based on what I saw in other people.

College doesn't just happen to you. I mean, it does, but if you're going to come out of it with all of the successful experience and blemishless, extravagant resume that you think everyone simply gets, you're mistaken. If anything else, that's what I'm realizing. I'm nowhere near as accomplished as my peers. Academically, professionally, ect. Their resume's look much better than mine. Mine looks like what my panicked brain feels like: I suddenly woke up Junior year and realized that there were a lot of things that I needed to be doing to prepare myself for the life I've said I wanted for so long.

All of that panic is based on one aspect of my life: academia. And that aspect has taken quite a few drastic turns since my ambitious, fresh-out-of-homeschool freshmen self first embarked this campus's sidewalks, full of confidence that the next four years would work themselves out seamlessly. This semester, upon taking my first true medical-like class, dropped it a month in and changed my concentration. The well-worn mantra "I'm biology, pre-med" is no longer accurate.

Freshman Heather would have had a panic attack if someone had told her that this would have happened.

But it did, and I have peace that it was the right decision. Mostly because it saved my gpa, but still.

So this college experience isn't going exactly as I planned. In some ways, it's failing expectations, as in the aforementioned resume revelation. But in other ways, meaning almost every other way, it's exceeding any expectation I could have had.

I'm so thankful for the people God has put in my life here.

I'm so thankful for the Baptist church I'm attending here,  and for the tightly-knit yet ever-outreaching group there.

I'm thankful for the BCM, as it continues to be a part of my life, though not as pronounced as last year. I'm so thankful for my dear friends.

 I'm thankful for my roommates who are also my best friends, who I've grown so close to by living with them in our little apartment with the dreaded stairs and the endless supply of obnoxious neighbors. I'm thankful for all of our triple-dates and game nights.

I'm thankful for my boyfriend, who is consistently by my side, pulling me down to earth from my superfluous overreactions, and showing me above it all that I am loved. I'm thankful for how we've grown together, and how after a year and a half there are still things to learn about each other. I'm thankful that both of us are in this for the long haul, and most interested in learning how to walk through this life as partners, conquering it hand in hand.

I'm thankful for the life that I've known this year, even though I know it's about to move on and make way for the next one standing in line.

But more than anything, I am thankful for the Lord's faithfulness. He is faithful to pull me through seasons of growth, and dryness, and abundance. He has taught me things through all of these seasons, and has never failed me. Even as I wander off periodically like a child walking through a mall towards the glowing exit sign of the fullness of true life, He waits for me and patiently takes my hand as I remember that I have let it go. I am nothing without His faithfulness. But He gives it in abundance, and on that I can depend.

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